Going to meet a new psychiatrist today. I know how things always go with new doctors, or anyone who is on the other side of the desk.
I sort of shut down. Something inside of me goes into hiding. It’s like I turn into a small child. Retreating into the corner. I get so defensive. I act out. It’s like the old drug addicted and scared me just comes right to the surface.
My throat hurts because I think I am coming down with a cold. It’s working its way into my ears and I would rather stay under the protection of these walls than have to go tell a new person about me. I am glad that my family doctor has sent me with a paper that has my diagnosis and my mental health plan, and history listed.
It would make more sense if the files were all shared between the various people who have seen me over the years. Why is there not a central database where they can all just log onto and have a brief summary of my history?
I think that would help not only me, but also other people. Sometimes if I am in a horrible state of mind, I don’t want to talk about my history. How is a doctor to know how serious things are if they don’t have access to this information? Sometimes it’s just awful to have to constantly repeat myself.
I honestly am not even sure why I am going to see a psychiatrist. People kept asking me when the last time I saw mine was, and I could only reply with that I didn’t even have one. The last person I saw was when I was in hospital for two weeks back in April of 2015. I know that I need to stay on top of these things but isn’t the sole purpose of a psychiatrist to prescribe medications?
I am pretty sure I don’t need anymore of those. I hope I can keep my composure today.
Becoming Brave 