I want to write about what’s going on with me right now, but I can’t put it into words the things my brain has been telling me, without scaring anyone who is reading it. Or upsetting everyone. The thoughts and the moods are so rapidly changing that its making me feel like I’ve taken on the role of a crazy person in a movie. That when they stop filming, I go back out of character for a moment.
So I am working on some stuff that’s going on inside of me. It was brought to my attention today after a meeting that I am basically a dry drunk right now. It’s absolutely true. I have been doing nothing towards my recovery. I have been letting my crazy brain do the driving for a good long while now.
I reached out today to my group of fellows, and in turn I was given hope once again. I know where I belong. I know what I need to do.
So in order for me to survive this, I need to start the process all over again. That doesn’t mean I need to go out and drink – it means that my recovery needs a reboot.
I’ve been crashing so bad that I am exhausted from crying. My body is heavy and awful thoughts have found their way into my mind.
All I know is that this too shall pass.
Becoming Brave 