I feel a bit strange. Like I’ve been so tired that it feels like I’m coming down off something. I have tried listening to my body and if I need to sleep then I do, but it’s not quite passing.
Everything is normal and the weather is beautiful but…what?
Do you think it might be possible for it to take nearly 19 months to finally realize that I am really in school? That I am about to graduate with my diploma. I’m getting closer to the career that I never even dreamed I could possibly have.
That I’m so overwhelmed by the mass of assignments and projects to complete in the next few weeks. That I feel like I might be in shock. I feel sort of numb. I kind of want to tap out for a minute. But then that minute passes and I’ve got my phone in my hand and I’ve gone down a wormhole and I can’t find my way back out.
So I take a few minutes more and I procrastinate. Which is odd because I don’t usually do that with school. I liked to be on top of readings and assignments. I like to have everything under control and this is the first semester where I have felt like I’ve let go, right until the last possible minute.
I don’t know how to balance work, school, life and now that I’m trying to fit more life into the equation I feel unbalanced. I feel uneasy about where I stand right now in life. I feel overwhelmed.
I am stressed. But a different kind of stress than I am used to because this stress is a bit paralyzing.
I am doing this. I have been doing this for coming up to four years now. I am killing it in the life department and sometimes days don’t look like others. And sometimes stress comes to me in the form of over performing. And now I am learning it can also come to me in the form of a slow crawl followed by a hurricane panic to the finish line.
I am so close to my first checkpoint I can feel the ground giving way under my feet. I’m not scared of the hole that is opening up below me because it is my next path.
I’m about to level up.
Becoming Brave 