The light in my life has absolutely no comparison to the darkness. The darkness is only temporary. The darkness will not take me down. It is not permanent. My darkness is often solved by simply rising, and leaving the house.
Because on the outside I see beauty in so much. I can step outside my own head and really enjoy the world.
Often I forget about how lucky I am. Because the often temporary state I find myself in can feel so consuming, but it’s not. I am no longer addicted to drugs or alcohol. I am stable. I am functioning. I am no longer suffering in a hopeless state of mind, because there is so much beauty in the world outside that I can actually feel.
Sometimes I live in darkness but maybe I just think it’s darkness. Maybe it’s just the calm but I have never experienced it before – so I have no idea what to call it.
There is so much that is new to me in this life. Everything is so much different than before. I feel a million miles away from the person I was – and yet I often feel the weight of the past so heavy on my chest.
So when I put on my shoes and I step outside the door it all sort of disappears soon after.
If my current problems are simply solved by going outside, than I have it pretty good right now.
My circles are no longer actual circles, but more like me just living in my own mess of a head. I don’t have to live to feed my addiction, so that I can live to feed my addiction.
I have purpose in life, and maybe that’s what I need to start telling myself every single morning. I thought 2017 was my year. But today I know that 2018 is going to be even better, because I don’t give myself enough credit. I am leaps and bounds. I am a brave woman. I am strong. I have courage. I will not live in fear. I may have moments of fear, but I cannot let myself sit in it.
This is my life. I made it to where I am today, and if I can make it here I can make it anywhere.
Often I feel like I am living in a video game and I found the magic scroll that gives me all the points and bonus rounds. I didn’t come from the bottom, but somehow I ended up there and now I’m here, soaring through the sky.
I made it.
Becoming Brave 