Edit and revise.

If I had a dollar for everytime I opened this window to post a new blog entry, and ended up just cancelling the post – I would have quite a few dollars.

I have been busy with putting so much of myself into my epilogue for my book. In the beginning it was just an after-thought. That was in no way shape or form, my idea. I was fully against the idea of writing about what happened after I stopped writing the book. I didn’t want to even go there. So I hastily put some sentences together and I called it my epilogue. 

When my editor read it, she was not impressed. I was mad that she was not impressed. So I avoided putting any more work into it, at all costs. I’m really good at avoidance, in every aspect of my life. 

But I wanted to avoid it so much so I started this blog, and I put my all into it. So much that it actually started making me sick. I was writing about stuff and then hanging onto it. I started rotting inside. 

So then I stopped obsessing over things. I stopped writing about the things that were coming to the surface because I was not in the right head space to be addressing those issues. 

So now I’m ping ponging again right back to the reason I started this blog. To avoid working on my epilogue. 

I kept saying I needed to finish my book. But in order to finish my book, I need to continue working on the epilogue. I have been putting in alot of hard and honest work into it lately. I have learned that breaking it up into small bits has worked best for me. Even just working a sentence at a time is often the only way to conquer it. The one sentence at a time adds up to alot when you are working for a good 4 hours on it.

Then there was that part of me that kept trying to rush the process. Because I wanted to have it ready to go before I started school. Well what if it’s not ready before then? I can’t just go publishing a half polished piece of work. But sometimes my brain just tells me that should be good enough. Even though I know in my heart that I will truly know when it’s done.

So there is no timeline on the book being published. If I get it done before I start school, then I will publish it then. If not, then it will have to wait for my attention until Christmas break. 

Until then, I will edit and revise, as many times as I see fit. Until I read it outloud and everything makes sense, and all the words are in the places they were meant to be.