Everything is exactly how it should be. My heart feels full, my mind is at rest. My body feels rested and my pulse has not raced unnecessarily once today. Everything is in the exact place where it needs to be.
I have been sitting here wondering what on earth I did different to be finally feeling so good. I have been going through the lists in my head of what food I have been eating. What time I would take my medication. What time I woke up. What time I went to sleep. How much sun I got. How much sun I didn’t get.
It finally occured to me that I chaired the recovery meeting today, and went to two other meetings this week. This is why I feel at peace with anything and everything that is going on inside of me. Because I have reconnected with my people. My fellows.
I may not be able to change the fact that I am bi-polar but I can help ease the daily blocks in the road. Just one simple thing changes the way that I process even the smallest of tasks. Going to meetings and sharing my story and listening to others stories works like magic. Connecting with other people who are the same as me. I feel like I belong to something safe, real and pure for the first time in my life.
The truth is that everyone in this world, wants to feel like they belong. Somewhere. Anywhere. So we tend to find the people with the same habits, desires, hobbies, music interests and so forth. My whole life has been about drugs, and illegal activities and suffering. So I always found my people who had the same interests as me. I stuck with them like glue. When I decided to remove drugs from my life, I felt abandoned. Each time I would try quitting the despair of being alone would by far outweigh the darkness of addiction. So I always went back. I went back to the addiction and I went back to the people I felt like I belonged with.
So now, I have a different place I belong. I have found my tribe. We are a group of like-minded people who have all suffered this same sickness through our lives. Our stories are all different, but the similarities that we find in our differences are striking.
I know that my feeling of normalcy and calmness right now and all through today was not magic. It was the plain and simple fact that I returned back to going to my recovery meetings.
My tribe has helped heal me.
Becoming Brave 