Better.

I made the decision two nights ago to go back to my original dosage of Seroquel at night, because I felt like I was turning into a zombie from the new medication.

I didn’t realize how dangerous this zombie feeling was, until I thought back to my original time taking medication for my bi-polar – that was in the spring of 2013. The medication worked for me and it helped me get off meth, but I ended up feeling this huge hole inside of me. Once the pink cloud of getting off meth faded, I was left feeling like an emotionless robot. I decided that medication wasn’t for me anymore, and that sent me for a huge hole of darkness. I wanted to socialize and I was so tired of feeling lonely. So I started to drink.

I don’t want a repeat of that time in my life, because my sobriety is really important to me. My life is worth something, and I know that now.

I need to stay on top of my mental wellness and sometimes that means a change of medication. And sometimes that change of medication might feel different at any given time, but I have accepted that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain.

So the last few days I have felt normal again. I feel more balanced. But I have taken it super easy this weekend, also known as laying in bed for as long as I want. Napping if I feel I need to. Because last week I felt the realness of burnout. Spreading myself across so many places was new to me, but the exhaustion made no sense. Because I was getting a full night of sleep every night. I was taking care of myself.

But it looks like my medication just needed a little adjustment. Nothing major. I am happy to say that I feel better.