I am ready.

Tomorrow morning I have my first midterm and I feel confident. 

I am not scared.
I am the opposite of all the things I thought I would feel right in this moment. Something is happening inside of me, and it feels like growth.

It feels like the sickness is slowly taking the back burner. Like I am starting to finally find my footing, after over 20 years of missteps and mostly regrets.

I still can’t stop clearing my throat, but I am going to give it a few more days of the recommendation of my family doctor. If nothing changes, I will go back. 

I got my grade back for my final paper proposal, the one that almost made me quit school. I got an A-. I feel like I am the person I only ever dreamed I could be. All of the assignments I have completed so far have been A’s. I am better than I told myself that I was.

I dreamed when I was a young girl that I would be the strong woman that I am today. That I would find my voice, that I would find my truth.

My counsellor told me that sometimes things come out in strange forms from the body. That the issue with my throat could mean that I feel like I have something to say, but I am not saying it.

Because that’s the truth in many ways. There is so much to be said, so much to be done. There is so much truth that I need to speak but I don’t yet have the backbone or the structure to be able to properly express myself. 

I am learning. I am growing.

I am ready.